England v Azerbaijan

The day started with a few wee drams in Coxa Club before boarding the mini bus at 3.15pm for the short ride into Durham; first port of call Wetherspoons. We settled down for a few pints when we were interrupted by a young American lady who had a problem and was looking for a man! It appeared that she had opened a present from her husband but could not get it shut ... Our minds boggled until she produced from a bag a knife fully opened that looked like it was illegal to have. Well you know these Yanks, friendly fire and all that some of us headed for the bunkers others ignored her. Mr Gilligan came to the rescue as I have some experience with illegal warfare and closed the knife for the young Yank. The only one to get a peck on the cheek was Dave D who proceeded to get a jealous look from his dad Clive D. Then "Flick-knife Freda" as we now called her returned to her mates and continued drinking, apparently she is in every weekday and spends about £30 each afternoon, must inform Billy senior!
We supped off and went over to Walkabout, not many in but banter with the barmaids was good especially Matilda, probably not her name but she was definitely Aussie. Persuaded them to give me an England flag as they started to put them up as decorations for the evening ahead. Clive D tried but failed to get one, we even told them to take the flags down that they had put up as they needed ironing and amazingly they did!
We caught the 6.20pm train to Scumland, yes this time we bought tickets! We were all busting for a pee when we got to the station as the train was full and you could not get near any bogs on the train, so we headed for the first watering hole O'Neils across the road from the Central Station. After a long Q for a pee we set ourselves up near the bar and had a few bevvies. Banter was good we had an interesting discussion with some Sand Dancers most were all Mackems with a sprinkling of scum. Interesting (and worrying) was one of the scum works for SAFC as a groundsman at the Academy of Light! He also informed us that one of the chefs and a physio are also scum - he asked would you want your players getting food from a mag? He told us of a story when he was at the old Charlie Hurley Centre - playing cards with Jason McAteer when he was injured. He won but McAteer could not pay as he said he had no money on him and still owes him to this day. After training that day McAteer got in his big sponsored car and went home the groundsman got in his Polo and trooped off in disgust.
We left O'Neils and headed for hotch potch stadium, Clive D did not know the way as he has only been there in a bus! I said, being the leader I am, follow the crowd wearing white shirts!
We separated when we got to the stadium, I was in the Milburn Stand, Platinum Club. I expected to go straight into the ground but instead was met by two suited guys who opened a door and let me into an executive bar area that I now learned was the Platinum Club. Nice better than Old Trafford and at £40 the ticket was £10 less than a seat in the North Stand at Man U with standard facilities. I had a few pints in the bar before going up to the seats. Next surprise was padded seats and arms on each seat, with names of each member on the seats - tried to pull one off but couldn't as they were screwed down. The match started and we all thought the first half performance was the same as Saturday, some chances but not taken, this time without great saves from the opposition goalkeeper as most chances were not on target. It is difficult to know how long is left in the match as there is no scoreboard and no clocks in the ground but when the half time whistle went 0:0 it was back down stairs to drink pre-ordered drinks (just like being in a theatre in the West End in London!) I had a discussion with some Wolves fans who stated that Jody Craddock was the worst player that they ever signed and he was consistently rubbish every game of the season "the only thing he knows is to head a ball no good with his feet". They also said that Alex Rae was mint and they should not have let him go ... That also came to my mind about SAFC. Now I know why, when I have watched SAFC at Scumland, the platinum members don't make the kick off at the start and second half - there are no clocks anywhere in the bar area only the TV screens so if you have not got your eye on the screens and see the teams coming out you haven't got a clue if it's game on or not.
Second half brought goals but not many other highlights - atmosphere was not as good as Old Trafford probably because it was a cold and wet evening - even in the platinum seats, padded or not when it rained you got wet as well - must have something to do with the height of the roof.
Full time 2:0 not much to write home about but atleast it was 3 points in the bag as we head for Germany 2006.
We caught the 10.20 out of Scumland and headed back to the safety of Wetherspoons in Durham, Flick-knife Freda had either gone home pissed or had been arrested for carrying an offensive weapon - shit my fingerprints will be all over the knife! Need an alibi - I was at Hotch Potch Park yer honour - now would you believe that coming from a loyal SAFC supporter!
I stood at the bar and got on talking to a 32 year old school teacher from Tudhoe who was celebrating school holidays with a bang. Good discussion that I will not go into incase Mrs Gilligan reads this but only to add that we exchanged mobile numbers she also gave me her home number, as she asked if I wanted German lessons out of school hours (honestly!)
Boarded the mini bus and made our way home dropped off at the lights - bring back Don Smiths - I got in the house just before mid-night with flag, programme and my virginity still in tact.
Stroll on the Wigan game next Tuesday. Pick up 3.00pm straight to the ground Billy, couldn't get Clive to change the time due to work times. Looks like the Sports Bar or the bars in the ground although some say they are getting off in the City Centre as they did last time - we can decide when we get there.

Jim Gilling
FTM