The Billy's Week-end Away ...... Censored version!

Role call was at 9.30am only one Billy missing that was due to illness and not a desire to miss the week-end away due to the performance on the pitch.

Billy Senior was first to be picked up and had a grin as big as a Cheshire cat on his face; was this for what lay ahead or the fact he had a holdall and not his usual carrier bag. We then went and picked up Cousin Billy who had the most important thing on him … his mobile phone! So it was off down to Leicester and the start of what we hoped would be a good week-end and the end of a terrible season for us all. No scarves pinned in the back window we were off and incognito.

The usual banter all the way down, including what we were going to be this time when Billy Senior was to meet the “Black Pearl”. It was agreed that Billy Senior and Cousin Billy would keep the same job as described on the last meeting with the Black Pearl, site foreman and his assistant and I elected to be an architect designing exclusive houses through out Europe; Billy Senior had already said he had come clean about owning a villa in Portugal.

So we arrived at the hotel about 12.30pm and were unable to book in so the car was parked up for the stay right outside the casino next door as Cousin Billy had his disabled badge with him. As we walked away from the car we all appeared to walk with a limp, were we all disabled or just didn’t realise that you can have a disabled badge and not look physically disabled.

We decided to pay our first visit into the casino and after Cousin Billy was signed in as a member we signed Billy Senior in as a guest as he did not have any identity on him at all; I wonder why? We then headed for the bar only to be told that the bar did not open until 2.15pm so our first visit of the day lasted a mere 2 minutes well at least we did not loose any money. We then decided to head for the Richard III pub, the famous pub from last time that the other Billy’s looked into from the window only to see me and Billy Senior slavering on to the landlord who was trying to get rid of us as he had a private function on in the back room. To our surprise it was under new management, Aston Villa fans, and they had made a decent job in tidying up the joint even extending the bar area to make it bigger. First winge of the day and without StevieW being there was that my drink was all of 5p dearer than the other Billy’s drinks; I could feel the arrows in my back just like the advert for my tipple. Billy Senior got on the jungle drums and called up the Black Pearl and the rest of the guest list, we were not sure who was coming but perhaps a few beers would prevent any shock waves later. The Black Pearl Gang were at least another 1.5 hours away, so we got on talking to the locals and the landlord until the arrival of the Black Pearl Gang.

After receiving a few text messages on the jungle drums saying the Black Pearl Gang (BPG) were lost our newly found friend of the Billy’s, the landlord, guided the BPG to the pub. The Black Pearl greeted us with a smile with teeth as white as ivory we all said our hellos and the rest of the BPG headed for their hotel and after one or two further drinks the Black Pearl was keen to go to the room booked next door for “light relief” before the night ahead. Me and Cousin Billy went into the casino while Billy Senior went back to book us into the hotel and assist the Black Pearl with the “light relief” with the assistance of a bottle of wine and some “Manchester Jelly”

In the casino both me and Cousin Billy lost £20 each on the roulette table and after a quick drink we retired to our room to think about the “light relief” that was going on the floor below us.

Me and Cousin Billy had booked a table for 6.30pm at the Chinese buffet just opposite the Richard III pub and recommended as the best eating house around the block, Billy Senior was also booked with us but did not turn up for his meal; perhaps the “light relief” had gone into extra time. Anyway as we settled down for our meal we realised we were next to a couple with the guy talking abit like a Geordie. Anyway our suspicions were correct he was from Blyth and was a Mag! His wife was a Leicester fan as they had met down Leicester when he came here in search for a job many years ago …. so there we had it yet another plastic Mag. The presence of this Mag did not put us off our meal as it can only be described as fucking marvellous, we were given a time limit of 1.5 hours as the restaurant was full after 8.00pm but we couldn’t have eaten any more and it had only been an hour into our session.

So after a great meal and a good bottle of vino, that had Cousin Billy reaching for his mobile to write a memo to remind him of the vineyard and name of the wine, we headed for Wetherspoons at the corner of the street to await the arrival of the BPG and Billy Senior. After a few pints we at last could see Billy Senior walking up the street did he have a limp and should we get Cousin Billy’s disabled badge again. Alas what we thought was old age setting in was merely a suspected groin strain for performing his “light relief” duties. We waited and waited for the BPG to arrive but could wait no more as Glass House and Yates awaited us; that’s if I still can get in these two fine establishments.

Well we entered the Glass House and it was heaving with people and music, I looked around in amazement as I can’t actually remember being in here last visit. We still awaited the arrival of the BPG and the Black Pearl kept getting on the jungle drum and asking where they were; they were lost again. We thought the amount of time they had been going around Leicester to find us in the first place they must know it like the back of there hands. We noticed the bright lights and chandeliers of the hotel opposite and as we were still waiting our BPG guests I decided to investigate the Jarvis Hotel further. After blagging my way into a wedding night disco as a distant relative of the bride I made for the window over-looking the Glass House and gave my buddies in there a wave just like the Queen would give to her people. After a quick drink, no I did not toast the bride, it was back off to the two Billy’s and the Black Pearl. After another drink the BPG joined us, the smaller guy probably named Billy looked as if he did not know what was happening apparently he was chaperone for the night and was there to look after the BPG. As we were now assembled we decided to head next door and into Yates, scene of my kicky out last visit. Again I looked around and heard tales from the two Billy’s about the last visit - where we stood, where I kissed a young lady on the back in front of her not amused boyfriend, where I was standing when I was shown the door and where the Billy and Miller gangs were all standing finishing their drinks off while I waited outside. As we left the Glass House and head towards Yates we were surprised when we learned that the newly arrived BPG were heading back to their hotel; what had we said what had happened or was one of them expecting a certain BigM to be with us that night? Anyway we were left with the Black Pearl to entertain us through the night but we knew that the lour of more “light relief” was required into the night.

After a few drinks in Yates we decided to head back closer to the hotel and try our luck again at the Richard III pub but it was closed for a lock in by the sound of the music inside. Cousin Billy and me went back into the casino and this time not to loose any more money, the other Billy went back to rest his groin and a bit more “light relief”.

We never lost any money but watched plenty loosing their mortgage money but looking at most of them they were not 100% true Brits but had great wads of £50 notes laying bets of £250 per go; doesn’t it make you fucking mad that a true Brit can’t afford to throw money away like that?

Cousin Billy decided to call it a day and left me in the casino to discuss the world events with two good looking barmaids while the singer and then the disco blasted out into the early hours. After several more Smirnoff Ices I headed back to the hotel at about 1.45am; would Billy Senior be alright with his groin strain, did he need any help getting in and out of bed, should I give him a hand or should I go to my room and get the first bit of kip for the day. I decided on the latter as I thought with a little more “Manchester Jelly” the groin strain may have gone away.

We were up pretty late in the morning as was Billy Senior he still had his usual “light relief” mode still switched on so was late in getting up or should I say off. I decided to leave Cousin Billy getting showered as I needed to get some fresh air and check that the Gilliganlimo was still outside the casino doors. All was okay and as I walked up the road Wetherspoons was already open serving beer and an old woman about 75 was hitting what was probably her second half sitting in the window and smiling at me as I went passed….. now if this had been Blackpool maybe but not after a session in Leicester I needed to keep my standards in tact.

On returning to the hotel we once again waited for the BPG to pick up their boss The Black Pearl but as the time was approaching 10.45am and they were lost again, we decided to head off to Birmingham and Villa Park for our last game of the Premiership.

We stopped off at Tesco’s opposite the Ricoh Stadium, home of Coventry City, for our breakfast. Impressive looking stadium and one we will see inside next season as we hopefully don’t struggle in the Championship.

As we approached Villa Park Billy Senior made a call to the Black Pearl to find that the Black Pearls back had seized while putting down the suitcase at home and was on the way to hospital. Although we were all concerned with the Black Pearls health we thought sod this “light relief” exercise lark as it had already claimed a groin and now a back; they must remember to warm up before taking “exercise” next time.

We arrived at the Armada pub under Spaghetti Junction at about 12.30pm as I was driving no beer for me just a lime and soda while the two Billy’s settled into their usual Carling Cold. The Billingham Branch were also in the pub and after seeing some un-usual photos taken the previous night they shook our hands and had a good laugh. As I had been in this pub before for Villa games I knew it was okay to leave the car so the Billingham branch also left their coach and we headed towards a watering hole near the ground. It took about 15 minutes to walk to the ground and we asked where the pubs were behind the away end. They were too far away so as we were informed the bars were open in the ground we headed into the stadium at 2.00pm YES 2.00PM!!!! as it was Billy Senior who suggested this, we thought he might want to rest his groin strain. The bars were closed with no alcohol on sale so we headed for our seats awaiting the entrance of the Sedgefield Branch including the Miller men, StevieW and ThomasH. They arrived about 2.45pm and were pretty pissed from a good sup in the Barley Mow pub near to Dudley. A lot of fans were in fancy dress and the Sedgefield branch did not let the team down, Clive in a prisoners outfit, Stewie was dressed as Donald Duck, there was a Mr Blobby and not forgetting StevieW who came as an old winging git without his cap!

So everyone was in a great mood and it was not kick off but party time that started at 3.00pm. Let’s all have a disco, my garden shed; bye-bye to the Premiership and Niall Quinn’s disco pants all rang out from the away end. Chants for Super Kevin Philips also were heard that was rewarded with a wave from the little man himself.

The game itself was crap with the usual capital C. We again looked as though we couldn’t put anything together and up front well did we have any striker. Some said that Brownie wouldn’t get a game in the Northern league I thought he would even be shown up by the Ferryhill Under 12’s that our dear Nephew Billy watches.

As the game went on the majority of the action was in the stands as the fancy dress display went across the front doing the annual conga dance only to be stopped by a jobs worth steward wearing a number 5 on his orange coat who warned the conga leaders and then after Superman was thrown out by him all hell broke loose with even StevieW getting involved and shouting things like “do you want a riot on your hands!” and grabbing the number 5 steward and telling him "what a joke he was". Nearly StevieW, nearly - if this had been Manchester we think you would have been out and a banning order for the next five years….. just think of it the shame on your family and the Branch … oh well at least the coach might be winge free next year if it had happened!

The game ended 2:1 to the Villa and as we exited the ground steward number 5 was once again getting involved and stopping fans getting on the pitch. One guy dressed as Fred Flintstone at least got on the pitch and got ThomasS gloves as a souvenir then was pulled off by his mates before arsehole number 5 got to him.
As we headed home we started to discuss and laugh at the week-ends events and if the Black Pearls back would be okay. At least I had the Black Pearls black and gold waggers over my internal mirror instead of furry dice as a souvenir. I must admit they looked a better souvenir than a pair of gloves once worn by a goalie that left the lads for money and the chance to stay in the Premiership.

So there you have it Bloggers our final away match in the Premiership and the last Billy away day until Ipswich and Leicester away next season. Hope you enjoyed the summary as you would expect a lot could not be said on the www so here’s hoping the censored version is okay until we all meet up again.

Pictures from the week-end not far away some shown below and some need to be edited before publishing!


See you next season


Billy Gilligan