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Walter from Argentina

Should have used the Transporter!

A man met a woman and fell madly in love with her. He asked her to marry him right away. Her response was: "But we don't know each other at all, what if we don't get on?" The man said that was a chance he was prepared to take and he felt that he loved her so much straight away that he was sure it would work and they could get to know each other during their marriage. So the woman agreed, they married and went away on honeymoon where they found they were very compatible.

They were lazing by the poolside one day when the husband said he fancied a swim and his wife watched him as heclimbed up to the very highest diving board and leapt off backwards.He did a triple spin, a forward turn and a double back-flip (piked) beforeentering the water with barely a ripple. The wife was amazed. When the husband came back to her she said: "Blimey! I didn't know you could swimlike that!" He replied: "Oh yes, I used to be an Olympic diver in my youthand was the champion for ten years running."

They agreed that there was lots to learn about each other and that it was fun finding out.

Then the wife decided to go for a swim. She dived into the water, swam 150 lengths, got out of the water and lay on her sun lounger barely out of breath. The husband was amazed. He said: "I can't believe it, did you used to be an Olympic swimmer too?"

She replied: "Oh no, I used to be a prostitute in Middlesbrough but I worked both sides of the river."

Robot Barman

A man enters a bar and orders a drink. The robot barman serves him a perfectly prepared cocktail, and then asks him, “What’s your IQ?”. The man replies, “150″ and the robot proceeds to make conversation about quantum physics, string theory, atomic chemistry, etc.

The customer is very impressed and thinks, “This is really cool.” He decides to test the robot. He walks out of the bar, turns around, and comes back in for another drink. Again, the robot serves him the drink and asks him, “What’s your IQ?”. The man responds, “100.”Immediately the robot starts talking, but this time, about football, formual 1, cricket, supermodels, etc.

Really impressed, the man leaves the bar and decides to give the robot one more test. He goes back in, the robot serves him and asks, “What’s your IQ?”The man replies, “30.”

And the robot says, “So, you gonna renew next season or what?”

SAFC v Arsenal

A reminder that this game will kick-off on Monday 1st May at 5.15pm

The coach will leave Kelloe at 2.50pm; Coxhoe at 2.55pm; West Cornforth at 3.00pm

Come on Huyton - Uncle Bob's on his way out and Brian can't make it, his ticket is going spare!

Help Required on and Urgent Basis

Guys I watched the Smogs on TV last night - switched on when they were 2:1 down and thought good they have no chance, but as the game went on and the goals were going in I started to show some interest again.

Then, I am afraid to admit, when the final goal went in I punched the air and shouted "Get In". Mrs G nearly jumped out of her seat and said something like "silly bugger" and genuinely I was chuffed for the smoggies and thought they did very well. Good luck to them in the final I say.

So my fellow bloggers I need help as soon as possible do I need therapy or am I going through the change??

I have always said I would rather be a protestant than a mag but what shall I say about rather being a smoggie. My Dad supported Boro all his life but liked to see all the NE teams doing well - is it a bit of my Dad coming out of me? Help me bloggers before I turn.

Jim Gilling

Portsmouth v SAFC (through the eyes of Jimmy Gilligan)

Set off for the long journey at 6.00am and hopefully the last time visiting such a shit ground where the fans are not of the friendly type.

Having travelled without a stop as usual I needed a pee so I gave my bladder a sign to empty on the High Street just next to the traffic lights and out of the door from my taxi taking me to the ground. Not a good pub in sight so I had a few Strongbow cans while sitting on a wall looking absolutely knackered. The locals took pity on me while a sat bewildered on the wall as they kept throwing the odd tanner or two into StephW cap that I had took down for the day just in case the weather turned bad. I thought that if I collected enough perhaps I would have enough money to buy Uncle Bob out and insert Ronnie Peachey as manager just like when the two of us ran the Kella Greyhound and won everything in sight.

Into the ground and the 1,400 odd of us sang our hearts out. If it rained I had SteveW’s cap but everyone could have used the big medals we were all wearing that were the size of bin lids – awarded to all the loyal away fans for putting up with all the shite we have seen both on and off the field this season.

The game started and it was like watching two teams from a Sunday league playing okay we had chances but again no quality up front. We all looked for help from the bench. Then a one two and Miller put us 1 up with a simple tap in. Pompey equalized straight away so back down to playing kick and run again – like sheep following the shepherd our players followed the ball but didn’t have a clue what to do with the damn ball when they got it. Game is getting boring and the 10 cans of Strongbow are starting to take hold and I start to doze off ……..

I open my eyes to see some movement on the bench; Reid is changing things round - on comes Quinn and Philips to give us some bite up front. Moments later a little through ball from Arca and Philips puts the ball casually through to Quinn who knocks the ball over the keepers head and its 2:1 to the Lads. We start singing 2:1 we always win 2:1 just like we were on bank holiday Monday when we beat the Mags and Shergar knacked his medial ligament and had to be put down.

Whistle blows and its 2:1 we are now 6th in the league with only 3 games left to play and all eyes are looking at a UEFA place. What a result after such a long journey, now perhaps we will spend the £10 million Uncle Bob has always had to strengthen the squad! Over to you Uncle Bob and Pete.

I get the 6.00pm train home and again fall asleep until I get into Coxa club at 8.30pm must have been a quick train that – one of the Intercity expresses without any problems from any supporters as they all seemed strangely subdued after such an explosive game.

Walked in the Club with Mrs Gilligan and saw our Chairman Mr W smirking so I give him a quick sign like “get in you bastards and where were the bar codes now as we head for Europe".

I sat down in the usual place and picked up the Sports Echo as I always do on a Saturday night the headlines stated “LADS CAN’T STOP FRATT PARTY” bloody hell we got beat 2:1 must stop drinking so many Strongbows as it makes you dream too much – then again if it gave me a lift perhaps I should have been drinking Strongbow all season but there again StephW would only have complained as it would have been more expensive round and he would have had to dig deeper into the floorboards for some more of his redundancy stash.

So there we have it my fellow Bloggers, Huyton asked for a made up report so I gave you one here’s to more Strongbow and dreams next season but without Uncle Bob and his merry men at the helm.

£10 million - we only had £10 million - we never had £10 million - it was just a lie wasn't it -Uncle Bob?

Jim Gilling

Sorry Huyton but another cut a paste job .....

Dear Coxhoe Branch,

"I thought we did more than enough to get something out of it. I said at half-time that they were there for the taking.
"We contained them and we did enough to get something out of the game. To concede a goal so soon after going in front was disappointing.
"Then they get a corner and we don't get the near-post header - and then we handball it.
"Instead of getting at least a draw, we go and lose it. It's got to stop. You have to pick them [the players] up but sometimes they have to pick themselves up.
"Our goal was great, we hit them on the break and did well. We knew Pompey would come at us but even then Kevin Kyle had a chance to make it 2-0.
"Kevin will admit he has to do better in those situations. His first touch took him away from goal, instead of towards goal. Those chances don't come often. If he finishes it, it's 2-0 and game over.
"I've gone in the changing room afterwards and I'm absolutely fuming, because the game was there for the taking. This is my old club but I desperately wanted to win.
"Our attacking play was OK, but at times we have to retain the ball better.
"Kelvin [Davis] did well and the central defensive pair did well. They will be disappointed because we should have got something out of it and we haven't.
"The players have got to do it, not me. You cannot legislate for a handball in the box so late in the game, you cannot coach that.
"It was great seeing everyone again [at Portsmouth] but the defeat has taken the shine off it. We should have got a result."
All the best,

Kevin Ball

Just back from Grangemouth

Contrary to rumours I haven't topped myself or joined a religous order to get away from the Mags result. I've been in Grangemouth since Tuesday morning, just got back. Been away from email and internet all week. What's the craic, any sightings of Quinny yet?

Black Cats Bar - Fulham (REARRANGED FIXTURE)

Please note that I will require the original Fulham home match ticket stub and Black Cats Bar passes back from you to be able to get replacements for the re-arranged fixture on ThursdayMay 4th.
This concerns only the following members:-

Wayne Trowles
Ian Hedley
David Hedley
Alan Fox
Andrea Slee
David Walton
Thomas Hegarty
Daniel Hegarty
Derek Brimlow
David McAllister

Regards

Jim Gilling

JACAPSBSGNS

Where's it gone?

The passion that existed for this board?

Are we all really reduced to cut and paste?

Has no one got an opinion about the goings on at Sunderland or is it left to us that know nowt cos we don't go to provide a view?

Have all you attenders finally succumbed to the mind numbing experience that is SAFC that your brains no longer function?

Ha'Way Lads, lets have some craic man?

Message from Bally trying to explain why we collapsed and pressed the defensive destruct button against the scum

Dear Coxhoe Branch,

Everything about the first half was what I wanted. In life, you get moments where you can make memories and today was one of those days.
Unfortunately, from the first goal onwards, we've made the wrong sort of memories. With the utmost respect, we beat ourselves as opposed to them beating us.
Until the first goal, which we gifted them, we played very well. We came here hoping we could salvage some pride after a poor season. We were well on the way to doing it. Unfortunately, it's made it worse.
Up until the first goal, we moved the ball well and everything about the game was what I had wanted.
At times when you are at the bottom you make the wrong decision. We made a decision and it led to the first goal. Up until that, I couldn't have been more pleased. I felt comfortable.
It's just a shame that we've ended up being beaten 4-1. It's a flattering scoreline for them. Having said that, the aim is to put the ball in the back of the net and they've done it.
When you get chances, you want to put it in the back of the net but we were still comfortable at 1-0.
At times like that, when a goal goes in like that, you have to be a strong character. It is important that you regain your composure. We didn't do that. We lost our composure. We needed to be mentally strong.
With regards to the penalty, I don't think we can have any complaints.
All the best,

Kevin Ball

McCarthy's Legacy

Will we ever recover from this?

Haway the lads - about time we beat the Mags at SOL.

Todays the day. Stead 1-0.

Message from Bally as we go down as expected .....

Dear Coxhoe Branch,

It was a deserved point. I told the players to go out and apply themselves and get respect, they did that. You have to admire them for it.
They've worked ridiculously hard. They have got their just rewards. With the talent Man United have, you'd expect them to be in the ascendancy and put us under pressure but we created chances and we nearly scored ourselves.
Sometimes you deserve that bit of luck, especially when you are away from home, at Old Trafford, in front of 72,000 people.
The front two [Stead and Brown] worked so hard, but the whole team worked hard.
Tonight's game was superb. Who would imagine that we would be here feeling like this?
They [the players] should enjoy it. They have to enjoy occasions like this. They didn't roll over, they went out and showed how good they are. They have got a point against one of the best teams in Europe.
It's important we look forward now. I have to thank the fans and I'm pleased the players gave them something to shout about.
Relegation is very disappointing but it's happened. We need to build for the future. We have to take tonight's performance into our last few games.
What is important is to build, make sure it is not a false dawn. It gives us confidence going into Monday. Having played as well as they have, it's important we recover and play as well on Monday.
I thought the way we played was excellent. We didn't just come here to make up the numbers.
All the best,

Kevin Ball

We are not alone

Heard it from a Mag who is going down to Old Trafford tomorrow that there is another 3 bus loads of scum fans going down to see us get the big R. My Mag said he hoped we win so that they can get the pleasure of putting us down on Monday.
So it will be interesting at OT could be like the Gillingham home game when we went down to the old 3rd division and the scum were in the Roker End.

Still going to enjoy the day setting off at 12.00 for a 19.45 kick off plenty of time for a pint or two!

CSI Coxhoe

In the early hours of this morning a number of cars along Cornforth Lane were the subject of a mindless fool who thought punching the wing mirrors off cars as he travelled home to Doggie ( Yes he was seen) was a good bit of sport. This little game started on Co-operative Terrace and probaly carried on down Bogma Avenue. Getting on for3/4 of a mile. My own car is now minus it's N/S wing mirror, as is the son and heirs and a number of other law abiding citizens in the street had their cars damaged too.

However, our mindless moron made 1 dreadful error. He cut himself when he punched a mirror, left a bit of skin behind on one car and a nice splodge of blood on another.

Mr Plod from CSI Durham tells me that blood is what they live for ( bit like Dracula) and up should pop a name immediatley once the DNA is analysed, swiftly followed by a pair of handcuffs.

In all seriousness this mindless idiot has probably caused in the region of £2,000 worth of damage to vehicles along this street yet no one, except me, bothered to report it to the police. People probably think that it isn't worth it, yet if it takes one more idiot off the street and makes him think twice about his actions then we are all a little safer.

New banner for the Mags game!

Haway the Lads - let's see if we can get a bit pride back and beat the Mags.

eBay get some sense at last

eBay have changed their policy for selling football tickets and to prevent rip off merchants from making loads of money selling tickets. Recent England WC tickets have gone for 100's and even non-England matches are at a minimum £160 see note below from eBay. (oh Macaroni has just scored for Boro - must admit they have done very well in coming back from teh dead!)

06 April, 2006 02:57PM BSTDue to a recent change in the law in the UK, eBay.co.uk has amended its football tickets policy.
With effect from 10 April 2006, in addition to the current prohibition on listings for tickets to English or Welsh matches, all listings for tickets to football matches occurring anywhere in the world that are part of a tournament or competition organised by FIFA or UEFA are also prohibited.
This prohibition includes the following matches:
• World Cup and European Championships matches (including qualifying rounds and the finals)• English Premiership, Football League, Football Conference and League of Wales matches• Champions League, UEFA Cup, Super Cup and Intertoto Cup matches• International matches played in England or Wales (including friendlies)• Friendlies involving England or Wales
Please note that eBay will remove any items that it becomes aware of that breach this policy with effect from 10 April.
If you are thinking of selling a football ticket, we encourage you to read the full Football Tickets policy before listing your item, available at http://pages.ebay.co.uk/help/policies/football-tickets.html.
In addition you should also review our Contracts and Tickets policy for further information on the resale of tickets, available at http://pages.ebay.co.uk/help/policies/contracts.html.
Regards,The eBay team

Minutes of the Branch Liaison Committee Meeting

BLC MEETING 11th Mar. 2006
BLACK CAT HOUSE

ATTENDANCE LIST

Fred Taylor BLC CHAIRMAN/BOLDON
Steve Dean BLC SECRETARY. /JARROW
Stan Hall BLC VICE CHAIRMAN /NEWTON AYCLIFFE
Brian Hallimond BLC TREASURER/ CENTRAL SCOTLAND
Freda Oyston DISABLED SUPPORTERS
Grahame Anderson DISABLED SUPPORTERS
Rebecca Barr BOLDON
Doreen Fowler SENIOR SUPPORTERS
Paul Newby NEWTON AYCLIFFE
George Forster SUNDERLAND
Rob Gilchrist SUNDERLAND
Jayne Gilchrist SUNDERLAND
Dave Errington LONDON & S E ENGLAND
John Adamson CHESTER LE STREET
Shaun Meek LANGLEY PARK
Kevin Hammel LANGLEY PARK
John Fickling SAFC
Louise Wanless SAFC
Lesley Callaghan SAFC

Apologies

None

Welcome

The Chairman welcomed everyone thanking them for their attendance.

Matters arising from the last BLC meeting.

None

Departure of Mick McCarthy and Kevin Ball’s appointment (why now ?)

With an extremely poor run of results and no sign of improvement it became apparent that a change was needed and a caretaker manager was appointed to try to give the club a boost. It was felt that Kevin Ball was an ideal appointment initially for the remaining 10 games.

It was asked if the club have a short list of potential managers. John Fickling said that there has been some interest shown and they will endeavour to get the right person in to change the fortunes of the club. The club realise that it has to be the right appointment which the fans will be happy with as after all they are what the club is all about. It was noted that Mick McCarthy handled the obvious disappointment of his departure well and all credit to him has to be given for this.

Club’s financial position, preparations for next season, money available for players etc

The club stated that the debt is manageable with it being between £30 - £35 million - this can be looked as being like a mortgage with the Stadium and Academy valued in the region of £80 million. Many clubs are in a far worse situation debt-wise than Sunderland and the Banks are happy with the current set up. All money raised from season ticket sales, corporate, merchandise etc. will continue to be made available for team strengthening. It was pointed out that a 34,000 crowd at West Ham brings in 1.5 times more revenue through the gate than the same size crowd at Sunderland.

John Fickling assured the branch delegates that as was the case at the start of this season, money will be there for team building. The club actually spent more than both Wigan and West Ham at the start of this campaign and has a comparable wage bill to other clubs in the Premiership such Charlton and Bolton. When we were in the Championship Sunderland and West Ham were by far ahead of other clubs with wage bills in the region of £14 million with the next highest being in the region of £6million for the likes of Sheffield United.

All contracts are now performance related and dependant on which Division we are in. And so if we are relegated the wage bill will be at a manageable level and will not therefore be forced into making wholesale departure of players. But obviously if players are determined to go they will have to look into the situation then.

One of the branches criticised the sale of two very competent and experienced Goalkeepers, it was pointed out that the manager thought that at the time they were injury prone and in actual fact Poom has only managed to be 3rd choice keeper at Arsenal. The manager felt in Ben Alnwick we had a keeper of great potential and that acquisition of Kelvin Davis who was the championships best keeper last season would compensate for the loss of Poom and Mhyre.

Some criticism of the number of players coming through the academy with a poor return on the cost to set up the academy, but the club feel that any academy structure is a long term situation but obviously would be happier if more had been coming through the ranks.

John Fickling stated that he thought the club may struggle in some way this season but certainly not to the extent that we have and had hoped that we could have at least been able to finish halfway or in the bottom third of the league. .

Langley Park branch asked what the situation was regarding Reg Vardy as shirt sponsor after their recent takeover. It was stated that the company taking them over were keeping the brand name of Reg Vardy in this area and so would not affect a change of name on the shirts for next season.

It was asked what the likely cost of season tickets will be next season and it was stated this will be looked into and it was hoped that the interest free 3 payment scheme will again be in operation.

The Jarrow Branch asked whether the club were aware of a proposed protest against the board after the game, they said obviously they were and could understand supporters concern, it at least shows that they care and cannot really criticise anyone in making a peaceful protest. The Directors present said shouting against them can not make them feel any worse than they already do after such a dreadful season.

Newcastle United game at Stadium of Light (security, tickets etc in light of current situation)

A lot of the branches were worried that the Newcastle game could be the actual game that sees us mathematically relegated and feared that as a result some violence may well occur. It was stated that the police intelligence is very good and they are aware of potential trouble and know who the likely troublemakers are. Newcastle are being given an additional 600 tickets making a total allocation of 3600 it is hoped that this will be sufficient to stop any of them trying to gain entry into the ground by buying tickets for the home end. Sunderland season ticket holders are being given the option of buying extra tickets for fellow Sunderland supporting family and friends these tickets will have the season ticket holders membership number on so if any tickets do get in the hands of troublemakers it will be able to be checked. Any non season ticket holders will only be able to purchase tickets if their name appears on a club database of people who have purchased tickets in the past.

Any other Business

Black Cat Bar upgrades are now sold out for the remaining games of the season but the club said as a gesture of goodwill any season ticket holder can still obtain a match ticket on production of voucher 61 for a family member or friend for the Fulham or Arsenal games. Obviously for security reasons this offer can not apply for the Newcastle game. Also the club may consider extending the use of the voucher to obtain £10 off merchandise bought at club outlet shop.
The Jarrow branch stated that some supporters who could not attend the rearranged Blackburn game were concerned that they will lose their Loyalty points, the club said that they intend re-issuing loyalty points to those affected it means that an additional fixture in affect has to be made up on the loyalty point database.
Freda Murray pointed out that there was an incident about a disabled supporter attack wrongly reported in the Sunderland Echo and had complained to the newspaper about the matter.
The Jarrow Branch asked if those people who had thrown their season tickets onto the pitch after the Middlesbrough defeat were getting them back. The club said some fans had even been in touch themselves asking if they could get them back, anyone who has asked for the return of their ticket will be seen by the clubs safety officer and warned to the danger of throwing articles on the pitch but will receive them back and warned of the future conduct.

Closure of meeting

The Chairman thanked everyone for their attendance, and reminded everyone that all items for inclusion on the agenda should be sent to Fred Taylor or Steve Dean ASAP. Meeting closed at 1.10pm.

Next meeting to be held prior to the Fulham game on Saturday 8th Apr. 2006 at Black Cat House 12.00pm.

Mags not a top club - confirmation

Noted on Sky News this morning when discussing Birmingham's remaining fixtures " They have 6 matches left including Aston Villa, Wigan, Everton and Newcastle, mid-table clubs that are fighting for nothing, it's a good run in for Birmingham and they are not playing any of the top clubs in the Premiership so they have an outside chance to stay up".

By the way when they showed the league table we did not even get a mention! Perhaps we have slipped that far away that nobody notices us now.

Jim Gilling
UEOABASD

Message from a smiling Bally .... at last!

Dear Coxhoe Branch,

We spoke to the players before and of course they were aware of the situation, in terms of what could have happened today, but they went out and had a right go.
To get back in the game twice was great. We rode our luck at times but we had chances. After Rory Delap's shot at the end, you look up and think, 'any chance mate'. Another inch and it's in the back of the net.
It was a cracking result and I'm really pleased for the club, the supporters and the team. On the other hand it's frustrating because we conceded goals that could have been avoided.
Fair play, they [the players] kept going, had a go and got their reward. My concern at the moment is the team and the club, not so much myself.
It's very difficult when you get knocked down time and time again, but what I've said is that the experience they get out of this season will make them mentally tougher in the future.
I'm delighted for Jon Stead. He's looked bright in training and you can never fault his effort and workrate. You just need that little bit of luck. It was great to see it go in.
You saw how the other players celebrated with him and that's important. I was very pleased with Rory [Delap]. He played wide left today and he's a threat atfar post. He was bright, he got forward, back, passed it well - everything you could have asked for.
His performance merited that goal at the end, it would have bee the icing on the cake.
We've got to build on this; make sure we put in the same effort, commitment and desire next week, aginst Fulham.
Fair play to the fans. I'm glad they enjoyed it becuase they spend a lot of money supporting us. It's great they had something to shout about.
It's been very frustrating for them. It's a good result against a good Everton team.

All the best,

Kevin Ball